Joshua Host (00:03.038):
Hi, my name is Joshua Host, CEO of ThriveLab, and really honored today to introduce everybody to Jasper Brown. Jasper Brown, I know personally and have worked with him. He's a men's intimacy and relationship coach and been working with them for about the last six months and have seen just measurable improvements as far as in my life and intimacy, as far as with my partner, and excited for him to come on and for me to heckle him with a bunch of questions related to everything from stress and sexual performance to seem in retention, to the difference between kegels and reverse kegels. And we're going to cover a bunch of stuff, but maybe just kicking off. If yeah, maybe Jasper, if you could just give us a background as far as your journey into, into your purpose.
Jasper Brown (00:48.884):
Great, thanks for having me on Josh. Really happy to be here and have this conversation with you guys. Look, I guess my journey really started when, in my mid sort of 20s, when I got to a certain point in my life and relationships where I was struggling a lot with intimacy, struggling a lot to create the kind of deeper connection. I had a bunch of problems on the bedroom side of things in my life, feeling like this sense of just not having enough, not being enough. Sensing that there was always, there was a lot more there to access. I just didn't know how to achieve that. I didn't know how to take relationships in that direction. I struggled a lot with shame and self-confidence and performance anxiety and these kinds of issues. So I went sort of searching for answers at a certain point. I started traveling to India regularly, studying sacred sexuality, really focusing on this part of my life and trying to find deeper wisdom and knowledge. And that opened a lot of doors for me. I started running workshops, men's groups, branched into online coaching, and once I sort of accumulated enough experience, I started turning around and helping other men with these issues, because I saw that there was a huge, it was a very systemic kind of problem in masculinity, that men were struggling with these kind of things, so I was in a kind of unique position to be able to start offering this to other guys around the world.
Joshua Host (02:10.39):
Yeah, you know, it's what's been so beautiful about, just my time as far as with you is how much, you know, how devoted to your purpose you are and how much you care in just the community that you've been building around it. One thing that stuck out to me and I wanted to ask you about was sacred sexuality. So what exactly is that? Like when you said you went to India and you started studying sacred sexuality, what does that bucket look like?
Jasper Brown (02:37.796):
Well, the ancient traditions, especially the Eastern traditions, really focused on a very integrative approach towards spirituality and personal growth and development. And obviously in an integrative approach, we also see relationships, intimacy, lovemaking are also included in that. So we can think of it like a sexual form of yoga, essentially, where we can be very mindful, very present. Focus on deepening the connection in a very kind of spiritual esoteric way with a lot of techniques and practices that elevate the whole experience and make it very sublime, very surreal, very… Yeah, somehow very, very special in a certain sense and give you a lot of tools and techniques and things that you can use to ritualize the whole experience and make it very magical in a certain way.
Joshua Host (03:35.05):
Yeah, I think that like, you know, when I, you know, when I saw you out and you know, I had, you know, looked at different, a lot of different programs have been through different programs. And, you know, I was hyper fascinated and interested in exploring, you know, tantra and also semen retention as well too, and just this idea of connecting, you know, deeply as far as with my partner, and also just some of the benefits of semen retention interest in exploring that, you know, and I think semen retention has been definitely like a big topic of late. Maybe if it's possible, can you give just some background on what semen retention is?
Jasper Brown (04:13.32):
Mm-hmm. The act of semen retention is essentially retaining the semen. And we can use this approach to cultivate a reservoir of sexual energy because the sexual energy is one of these primal functions of a man. There's an incredible amount of fuel and energy that's contained in the sexual fluids themselves. And if we're constantly losing that fuel, obviously our energy levels are decreasing and depleting. The more we retain that fuel, the more we benefit from having that abundance of erotic energy in our system. And if we develop a mindful approach, we can use that and channel it towards different aspects of our being, different things that we're engaged in, our business, our purpose, our relationship, et cetera. It can help to boost a lot your capacity of focus and creativity and energize everything, basically.
Joshua Host (05:13.81):
Yeah, and it's, you know, it's wild. I remember first reading about, about semen retention. When I, when I read, think big, think big and grow rich, right? Like there was a section that talked about abstaining as far as from, from sex and how that can ultimately build energy that you could redirect into other aspects or areas of your life. And, you know, there's so, so many top performing athletes or, you know, celebrities that are at the top of the game and this is kind of one area everybody from like Bruce Lee to 50 cent. And so I'm curious as far as for- to be able to define as far as benefits, like what do your students usually see as far as the benefits in semen retention?
Jasper Brown (06:02.46):
The benefits, I mean, in my own personal life as well, I've noticed the benefits can be, have been extremely beneficial for me. First and foremost, I had a lot of issues around my sexuality and struggling to control the sexual energy, feeling not confident in myself. So practicing semen retention allowed me to sort of break through into a whole new area of awareness and control. So that improved the whole experience of lovemaking for me. And I've seen it time and time and time again with men that I've worked with. It's this mindful approach towards that energetic resource that we have inside of us that teaches you to be much more mindful in the intimacy, in the bedroom, with your lover, and that elevates the whole experience. It makes it much more rich and complex. It teaches you to be much more conservative with your control and to be much more mindful. So for me, it's just this very, very beneficial foundational kind of pillar of experimentation that men can sort of start to play with. And often men have a fair bit of resistance towards it. They're stuck in a certain way. They do things in the way that they've always done it. And so start practicing semen retention does require a certain amount of self-discipline, a bit of curiosity, a bit of patience as well. Cause obviously we're not very good at it straight away. But we can learn to be masterful if we choose to keep practicing and experimenting in that direction and the rewards are extremely considerable and there's a lot there to discover if we have the openness to explore.
Joshua Host (07:38.794):
Yeah, you know, it's what I found as far as for me personally is that the amount of self confidence to know that I control that aspect of my body, you know, and whereas before you'd have this like spurt and spasm, you know, and you're you that you certainly are trying to control throughout intercourse, you know, but you know working with you, I think, as far as again, to a point of control with semen retention, where it just feels like a level of discipline and confidence.
And I think during intercourse and then just kind of in all aspects of your life. You know, you're like, this is an area that I control. I think it's a very powerful feeling. And I think one of the other things that you mentioned as well too, is just that energy. Like I definitely, it seems like this is one thing that gives me a lot more energy where I almost feel a little bit more like a predator, like also with like caloric restriction as well too. You know, I feel like when I'm reducing the amount of calories I have, I'm more alert, I'm more focused. You know, and it seems like then in both of these areas, it's just then a matter of, as you were saying before, like channeling that energy, you know, so it's going in a way that you're able to focus on the outcomes that you're looking for. And have you, as far as the risks or side effects, like have you seen any risks or side effects or are there any things for any of our listeners that are practicing semen retention that they should look out for, kind of best practices?
Jasper Brown (09:03.76):
Yeah, in terms of, in terms of risks and side effects, there are not a great many. It's fairly, the body has its own mechanisms of releasing, uh, that energy. If it's building up to a certain point, you might, some guys will find they get frustrated, they can be a bit aggressive. They get blue balls, the dreaded blue balls, but the body has its own mechanisms of releasing that, which is to have a wet dream. Basically you will lose that fluid in the night or if you feel with a certain mindful approach, if a man is feeling like he's building up and it's getting overwhelming, the advice is always just to release. You can always consciously choose to release that energy with no harm done to you. It's totally fine. So as long as we're kind of conscious of the effect that it's having on us, and this only is starting to be a problem if you go weeks or months without releasing. And so there's always that easy way out, which is you just choose to release. Otherwise the body will release in the sleep when you, by having a wet dream.
Joshua Host (10:06.718):
Yeah, that's so interesting. You know, in reading up on semen retention as well too, you know, I found that how it's related as far as into some of our work on hormone balancing, that there was actually a study that showed an increase as far as in testosterone that they saw normally like a two to 5% increase at the seven day mark, but then actually at the three week mark is where they actually see an even more substantial increase as far as in natural testosterone production as well too. So it seems like, besides just even some of the quality of life pieces as well too, it also helps with hormone regulation. So I'm curious, Jasper, how do you actually go about practicing with semen retention? Like what are the tactical pieces here?
Jasper Brown (10:59.084)
Yeah, so for guys that are just starting out that have no experience at all, I recommend starting with a period of refraining from ejaculation for one week as an experiment. And this alone will just teach you, you know, some guys are used to ejaculating every day. We're conditioned by pornography. As we grow up, we get very addicted to this kind of release. So even a week can be challenging for a lot of guys out there. So starting with a week is a great place to start. You can try to make love if you try to make love you obviously the difficulty goes up a lot because you have a lot more temptation to release. And a lot of guys have resistance to this. They want to make love, they want to finish. And what I advise is to experiment with that and see if you can make love without finishing. Because what that will actually do is actually open a doorway into a different kind of intimacy and connection with your lover. It will feel like the lovemaking never ends in a certain sense, like you make love, and then the love, it continues beyond when the act itself finishes. And you can actually achieve some very beautiful states of connection and deeper awareness and this overflowing of passion and connection and love, which is really beautiful, and you can keep making love, or maybe you make love again the next day, and then you can finish, but try to experience a lovemaking without ejaculation at least once in your life.
Joshua Host (12:27.686):
So you mentioned this, like abstaining from ejaculation for the first week. And, you know, even if you're participating in intercourse of making sure that you stop before you ejaculate. And like, this is something that me and you had talked about previously, you had helped me on it, is how critical it is to get your partner on board. You know, because interestingly, right then, where if both parties are trying to get the other partner to come or to ejaculate, then the challenge is that the work that you're trying to do as far as semen retention or having prolonged lovemaking of an hour or two hours or four hours plus, if you have a partner then in those early days who is focused on the success of you ejaculating, then it's very challenging, right? So, it seems like it's also really critical as well too to make sure your partner's on board. And that whatever things that they're doing, probably knowing like, hey, for a temporary period of time, we may have to abstain from some things, right? And that may make it like a little less hot in the beginning, but there's like this, this whole land of milk and honey, you know, like once we get to this other side. You brought this other thing as well too of porn and how porn affects the amount of time men lost on average. How does that play effect in what you see of length of time during intercourse for men?
Jasper Brown (14:00.52):
Well, typically men struggle a lot. This is one of the Achilles heel of mankind. Most men are either gonna struggle to get it up in the first place or they're gonna lose control very quickly. And the average time intercourse for men on the planet is about six, seven minutes. Whereas the average time that it takes a woman to actually reach a point of climax herself is around 20, 25 minutes. So we see this huge disparity there.
Joshua Host (14:24.846)
It's a big imbalance.
Jasper Brown (14:27.924)
And that's why semen retention is a very powerful mindset and practice to approach, is because it's teaching us men to develop the capacity to play the long game. When we don't lose control, we're able to actually reach that point where the woman or our partner is able to reach a state of orgasm multiple times. And that's one of the beauty of not finishing is that we can keep making love. Because usually the major limiting factor is the man loses control. Okay, maybe he can go a second round, but it's still quite limited.
Joshua Host (15:01.906):
Yeah, it's gonna be some recovery time.
A woman when she feels very safe, yeah, exactly. And when a woman feels very safe and very open, she will want to keep making love if she feels once she gets into it. Usually a woman wants to have more than one orgasm and she most women are very multi orgasmic. So what I've found is that when I can teach a man or when men are able to last much longer and say make love for an hour or two hours or longer than that, the woman is able to melt and open up and truly relax into that multi-orgasmic state and have a very blissful ecstatic experience. And that obviously can be a huge game changer for a couple.
Joshua Host (15:40.682):
Yeah, you know, it's interesting, you're right. Because then once a woman then reaches orgasm the first time, like then the possibility of it just starting to multiply really expands. And it's so interesting because, you know, with this whole point you're seeing like average time for ejaculations on the male side is six to seven minutes. And then time for a woman to orgasm is 25 minutes, you know, which there's this book, Sex It Done. It's all about like sexuality and prehistory. It talks about how as a human species, we're multi-mate, right? And that it's actually because of the fact that typically then women to increase their chance of offspring would have multiple mates in their period of fertility. And so that was a reason as far as imbalance. But what's so beautiful is now we live in this era of consciousness where we can pull all sorts of levers to better align ourselves with our partner. And this seems to be one of them. And one of the things you had mentioned is that this piece of men either being unable to have a full erection or finishing early and linking it to porn. And it totally makes sense, right? Because if you think about it when you're watching porn, the point isn't to have a full erection, the point is to have the best orgasm, right? Or to have the best ejaculation. And so it makes sense that would not only shorten your time to ejaculation, but also reduce the amount of blood flow as far as into your penis. Yeah, I'm curious though, one of the things that you preach is utilizing self-pleasuring to extend your time of lovemaking or increase your resistance to ejaculation. Can you share a little bit like how that practice works?
Jasper Brown (17:29.68):
Yeah. So I mean, the first port of call for me is unhooking from pornography because the, there's quite an insidious nature built into the way pornography affects the brain. It's very addictive, very compulsive, very instinctual. And it's basically conditioning your mind to be hyper stimulated by this, you know, ultra sexual visual stimulus, devoid of any actual human connection and presence awareness of the body and these kind of very important functions. So it teaches us to be somewhat disconnected and very up in the head. Whereas in my view and what I've experienced is when men can come out of the head, because this is where we spend 90% of our time anyway, given that we're always on devices, we're constantly being bombarded and programmed and thinking, we wanna teach ourselves to come out of the head and into the body, to come back to the senses, to come back to the breath, to sensation. And the more that we can practice this by ourselves, when we approach self pleasure, the easier that's gonna be when it transfers over into lovemaking, because we will have practiced that. So I'm a big proponent of teaching men to have a conscious, healthy self pleasure practice that has nothing to do with pornography, where we can actually just rebuild and reconnect to ourselves and deepen the relationship that we have with our own sexual energy and become much more mindful and conscious of that. And then obviously when we go into make love, how we practice is how we're gonna play. So that will transfer over and we'll be able to share that more mindful conscious approach with our lover when we're together.
Joshua Host (19:07.25):
Yeah, I love that. It sounds like before it becomes like an inhibitor to having a sexual intercourse that's phenomenal on both sides and then turning self-pleasuring into kind of like a practice ground, where ultimately then you're able to edge or you're able to extend your length of time and control that and not ejaculate. So in that way, when you get to a point of intercourse with your partner, you already have added that much mastery, I guess, to the equation. Can you tell, I mean, like, we're obviously, like, in a very high-stressed environment, like, everybody's connected, like, the level of responsibility that everybody has on their shoulder. And, you know, and so I know you would share with me before just, like, how many folks are dealing with high stress and how that relates to sexual performance. Can you give us some feedback as far as on one why does stress affect sexual performance and what our listeners can do about it.
Jasper Brown (20:12.088):
Yeah. So the, I mean, the nervous system is at the center of it all. Our nervous system is the interface between our body and our mind and the environment around us. So we live in an, in an environment nowadays where we're very overstimulated, we're hyper exposed to all of these stresses and tensions. And we see a chronic dysregulation of people's nervous systems. Most people are dysregulated. We're so conditioned. We're so used to it, we're like a fish in water, we just don't even notice. But when you actually start to become much more mindful and come back to the body, come back to the breath, come back to the nervous system, you'll figure out and you'll find very quickly, actually, there's this constant sort of humming of anxiety and stress that's building up inside of me that that's going to have a huge effect. Because the nervous system is the interface. When we're making love, we're obviously, we're obviously at the mercy of our nervous system. Ejaculation itself is a function of the sympathetic nervous system, which is the stress, fight or flight nervous system. That's that side of the nervous system, that function. We want to get into the parasympathetic state where we're relaxed, very calm, very mindful and at ease. When we're in the parasympathetic state, we can flow much more. We'll be much more relaxed. We'll be much more able to control ourselves. We won't have problems with getting an erection or lasting much longer. The problem is getting into the parasympathetic state because most of us are so bombarded by all of the stresses in our lives, we've actually lost the capacity to get there.
Joshua Host (21:51.434):
Yeah, you're so right. You know, I think back at some of the breathing exercises that we've done together, especially the somatic breathing, you know, there was one in particular that, you know, I think we practiced on a lot of our times together, you know, and it's just this kind of a lion's breath and release as far as from your chest. And it's wild just as far as how much you're able to reduce your stress and drop your cortisol levels. And then what that does as far as to your intimacy. And one of the other things that you had talked about as well too is just how the tightening of stress in our bodies, ultimately we hold a lot of stress in our perineum. And so then that perineum then is a thing then that's already wound so tight, then when we get to a point of stimulation, it just kicks off ejaculation. And if maybe you can just talk about… Because I think with a lot of semen retention, like practitioners of semen retention or even sexual mastery, there's this focus on kegels. And you've actually kind of really spoken out against that and some of the risks of kegels and you're more of a proponent of reverse kegels. Maybe if you could just talk about stress and the perineum and then how reverse kegels can solve that and then why reverse kegels versus kegels.
Jasper Brown (23:16.629):
And you've touched on a really important point there because the pelvic floor is one of those points in the body where we harbor a lot of the stress and tension that we're experiencing life and relationships. That's one of the areas that actually clenches up when we're afraid because that's priming us for movement, for action, to respond to attack or to run away. The pelvic floor tightens. We're able to, you know, when you, whenever you're going to the gym,
Joshua Host (23:37.771)
Jasper Brown (23:41.756)
you have to engage the pelvic floor if you're going to lift something because that's like the basement layer of your being that's like the bottom of the piston, you know, we have this piston that moves up and down the body. And that bottom diaphragm of the pelvic floor is essentially what's providing that pressure from underneath. So a lot of the stresses and things that we have in our life will push a lot of tension down there. We're also sitting all the time, which is not very good for us. That puts an excessive amount of pressure. So if you spend eight hours a day in an office, you spend another hour or two in the car like it's all this time. It's a walnut. You know, it's a walnut.
Joshua Host (24:10.879):
Yeah. Totally. Just like atrophying, you're really just tightening up. And then you're stressed, you're stressed. Yeah, you're stressed, you're blowing, you're just sitting, it's just like, becomes a rock.
Jasper Brown (24:23.504):
And then one of the major pieces of advice that men receive in this area is to start doing the Kegel contractions to strengthen the pelvic floor. And while that may work for some men, a lot of us are already quite strong down there because we're clenching that all the time anyway, we actually need to learn how to relax. And it's the relaxation that actually creates the space and the openness that allows us to learn to control much better. Because when everything is super tight, the body will have these involuntary sort of spasms and contractions when we're starting to get aroused. And that quickly tips us over the point of no return. It makes it very difficult for us to control. It's also restricting blood flow. So men can have problems with their erection when things are so tight down there. So what I try to advocate for is a reverse kegel, which is this openness, this expansion. It's the opposite of the contraction. It's the other end. It's the push and open and relax. And this is a fundamental key for any man that wants to develop more control, improve blood flow, and just improve his sexual function overall. It's gonna be a huge, huge help.
Joshua Host (25:35.614):
Yeah. And I think that what really helped me to picture that is to think of the perineum as like a balloon and you know, that, that goal within the reverse kegel is essentially to blow up that balloon. And then at first, like that balloon's really tight, you know, cause it's like you said, it's just been completely rocked, racked with stress and, and sitting and then getting it loosened up, you know, to where then that reverse kegel literally feels like it's expanding a balloon.
Jasper Brown (26:11.864)
Mmhm. Yeah, and it's the same with the diaphragm, you know, we have a diaphragm here as well in the rib cage and that's this kind of like base and this dam of muscle that pushes, that inflates and pushes down, up and down as we breathe in and out. And the diaphragm at the bottom in the pelvic floor is exactly the same. So there is this concomitant relationship between the diaphragm here in the chest and the one down in the basement in the pelvic floor. That's why breathing is such a key because when we inflate this diaphragm and things drop down here, we actually feel the bottom diaphragm inflating as well as like a balloon, as you said, and this just creates so much more space and ease of movement and allows you to relax. And we push the breath down there. And usually we're breathing, we're stuck breathing up here because we're stressed. We're always breathing very shallow where, you know, or not breathing much at all. And when we learn to deepen the breath, so many things improve. We get a deeper, sexier voice. We get a much more balanced nervous system. We get better improved sexual performance and functioning down there as well. So it's amazing key.
Joshua Host (27:19.03):
You know, I've been such a big proponent and evangelist of kind of sexual mastery and semen retention and sending folks over to you and sharing kind of what my experience has been. It seems like one of the concerns people have is this idea of not having an orgasm, right? Like they're mentally linked as far as what their ejaculation and orgasm as being this combined piece, but, you know, in reality, those can be disconnected and you can actually have multiple ejaculation or multiple orgasms without ejaculating. Can you just give some feedback as far as then how that's possible or what that kind of tactical approach is to have an orgasm without ejaculating?
Jasper Brown (28:05.756):
This is why semen retention is important. And for me, it's a foundational kind of gateway practice that opens up the doors to new sexual frontiers and experiences because it is entirely possible to separate orgasm from ejaculation. But first we need to be able to make love for long enough for that experience to happen. If you blow and lose control in the first five minutes or the first even maybe half an hour, you're gonna struggle to experience any kind of non-ejaculatory orgasmic state.
Joshua Host (28:38.571):
Yeah, makes sense.
So semen retention is a first port of call. We need to have the energy to make the journey. Then we need to get very good at playing with edge, getting close to the point of no return, backing away from the point of no return, holding ourselves very close to the point of no return, experimenting with different positions and points of stimulation. And we can unlock this capacity. It's 100% possible. I've seen many, many men achieve it. But first we need to be able to make love for long enough for that to occur and get really masterful with our level of control so we can keep ourselves in this sweet spot basically for a prolonged point of period of time and then develop the capacity to spread that pleasure throughout the entire body instead of it being very localized just down there and when we can do that things really start to open up you'll basically unlock this capacity at a certain point if you practice it long enough and with enough focus.
Joshua Host (29:37.502):
Yeah, you know, it's, I feel like that this was the biggest game changer for me then is like certainly being able to last for, you know, I remember like it took about like a month to get to where it was like 30 minutes. I was like, wow, that's amazing. Like game changer, right? And then, and then like another month and there was like, it really just unlocked everything, you know, and then it was like, it was one of those things where there was so much more control. And then after like 90 days, I'm like, wow, like, I really starting to feel like how these pieces connect. But I still was having a hard time where I wasn't able to orgasm. I had so much satisfaction of my partner having multiple orgasms, but I felt also that there was one thing missing. It seems like then they would start to pop. For me, I would picture the energy going up my spine to my root chakra or to my crown chakra and from my root to my crown. That would help me to push that energy up my spine and kind of release it. I don't know if that's like common, but it's still something I haven't fully figured out. So I'm excited to continue working with you to get to a point where it's like, I can have like a clear path to that on a consistent basis because in experiencing that, I'm like, wow, especially having like multiple orgasms without ejaculating and being able to have this like expanded lovemaking, you know, where your partner's just melting. It's just, it, then all the sacrifice, all the time, you know, all the sitting on tennis balls, you know, it's like, you're like, wow, it's all worth it, man. Thank you, Jasper. I'm curious, you know, like for me, I kind of gave, the times that I saw as far as like, I spend this much time training and these are like the kind of length of time as far as during intercourse. Are those kind of times that you see as far as that are like average with students or what's kind of the range of times that you see as far as level in the program or time practicing versus extending time during intercourse?
Jasper Brown (31:43.16):
It's quite varied. Obviously there's such a variety in body types, levels of dedication to the practices, pre-existing medical conditions and these kind of things. So it does vary quite a lot. What I have seen very consistently is that if men put in the work, they will see tremendous results. So that can range from some guys seeing breakthroughs in the matter of a week or just a few days practicing, it was just a missing piece that they had to click into place and then it was like opened a whole new door. Other guys need more dedicated, serious work and it might take a couple of months to achieve some kind of significant shift. But still in the scheme of things, if we think about it, like these skills and these practices will teach you skills, they will unlock doors for life, because once you have access to those things like you have. After a month of dedicated practice, you broke through into a whole new area. You know, you had went from struggling with control to 30 minutes of control. That's a huge shift. Especially that is such a, such a painful point for a lot of men is like, they just can't last long enough or they struggle to get it up or they have a lot of performance anxiety. So breaking through those initial barriers is like, that's a huge win. And then there's many years of progression that come after that because it's, you know, it's a never ending road. So once you start stacking those achievements up and just opening, what I've found is that it's just door after door after door continues to open in the depth of connection, intimacy and sexual pleasure and exploration with your lover, it's just incredible. And that can have dramatic implications for a relationship because it turned something that was limited or frustrated and contracted in terms of intimacy into this playground and this open doors and new areas of exploration. Which is super exciting to share with your lover super, you know rewarding for you to experience as a man because you feel like you're the king, you know you're the king of the bedroom and that's just really fun for a lot of guys to unlock that and discover this new kind of power that has always existed inside of them. They just didn't know how to unlock.
Joshua Host (33:56.042):
Yeah, I love that. You know, it's beautiful as well too, I think, just how, you know, sex is obviously a really important part of relationships. And it's such like a bedrock or foundational piece. And so if you think about the mismatch between the time it takes for a man to ejaculate and a woman to reach orgasm, you know, then it's like, statistically, we're set up for relationships of dissatisfaction. You know, so it's so beautiful within a fairly short period of time that mismatch can be corrected and that bedrock can be restored. You know, and then it seems like, I know from my experience then it's like now everything kind of comes together, you know, because of that depth of connection or that depth of intimacy. You know, there's been a lot that's like come out as far as around pills, you know, pills like anything from obviously Viagra or Cialis. But also now there's pills as far as to extend sex. And so I'm curious from your standpoint, why is it worth taking the time to practice and be able to do this yourself without a pill versus taking a pill to control these pieces of our life?
Jasper Brown (35:14.524):
Yeah, I think this is a problem that we see across the board in terms of Western medicine. It can be very effective to take a shortcut and put a bandaid on something. Certainly there's times when that's necessary. However, in the case of our intimacy, especially as this cornerstone for our relationship, my view is that we want to have the most natural approach possible. We want to have, and we want to be shooting for solutions that are not just band-aids. We want to get to the root cause of the problem in the first place and use that as a gateway, use that as a tool that can help us to really redefine the way we approach intimacy in the relationship and also redefine the relationship that we have with ourselves. A healthy body, a healthy being is the one that really understands himself at a very deep level. So why not take these challenges that you have in front of you or the limitations that you're experiencing and use that as a call to action that forces you to come deeper into the relationship with yourself, quest for the answers inside of you because there is a natural cure, there is a natural solution that will be a lasting solution that doesn't make you dependent on a medical product, you know, expensive pills or paste or sprays or things that are kind of awkward to apply when you want to go and make love to your beautiful partner. You just want to rock up exactly the way that you are. I mean, I certainly do as a man that could just do what he wants to do and enjoy the time that he has and satisfy his woman without having to put crutches on or slap a bandaid or pop some pills. It's just for me, I'm a big proponent of the natural approach because I believe we came into this world being perfect anyway so it's just we lose our way, we get out of touch with ourselves and we can come back to that if we choose to apply ourselves and learn.
Joshua Host (37:06.814):
Yeah, I mean, I think the thing about it though as well too is that it's actually not that much work. I mean, it's work, but it's not like we're not talking about years or we're not talking about like, we're not even talking about like hours a day or, you know, hours a week or even hours a month, right? Like this is something that, you know, is that people can really incorporate into their existing lifestyle with some just minor changes. And be able to see some pretty meaningful results. And like you said then, not having this dependency of a pill or a spray or something where they have also that internal confidence of knowing this is their own body at being able to perform. Yeah, that's beautiful.
Jasper Brown (37:53.472):
Yeah. And let's face it, like it's a pleasurable work. It's not a burdensome work. It's fun, you know, it's fun to do and you'll learn a lot about yourself and then the skills transfer over into lovemaking with your partner. And that's just exciting. It gives you a whole fresh kind of invigoration of that side of your life. And that can be really amazing to share with someone.
Joshua Host (38:17.41):
So I love this focus as far as on ancient sexual practices, kind of bringing it into modern day and also with the semen retention, but there's a whole nother side as far as of your focus and purpose, which is healthy masculinity, right? And we live in a very interesting time where there's a lot of shifting as far as in gender roles of what we're all doing and how we're doing it, and definitely some changes as far as in the feminine and the masculine. And so I've been so impressed as far as with the community that you've created around this. Maybe just kind of jumping in, can you give us some background on what you see the challenge that men are facing today as far as with the masculine and the feminine?
Jasper Brown (39:14.484):
So I think a lot of guys really struggle with masculinity because we've typically had an absence of healthy role models in our lives. Our fathers were not necessarily very educated on this front. We often lacked this element of having a certain emotional intelligence and attention towards the wounded parts of us, the parts of us that were vulnerable, that didn't get our needs met in a certain way and had no way of advocating for that because our parents didn't receive that attention from their parents either and this is a kind of generational kind of limitation or trauma that has been passed down and we're suffering. We're in an age now where masculinity is lumped in together all men are just lumped in and masculinity has become something quite toxic. It's been under attack in many ways and men feel quite a large degree of collective frustration and anger and shame around that. So part of the work that I'm advocating is teaching men to come back to a healthier, more conscious form of masculinity where we can find healthy role models, surround ourselves with good men that have integrity to pull ourselves up and create the kind of relationships, communities and world that we want to live in. So and I think men play a key role in that. It's not women are calling for it. Women are saying crying out and I get messages on a weekly basis saying like, where are all the good strong men?
Joshua Host (40:41.773):
Jasper Brown (40:41.832):
And I'm like, they're right here. Like, I've got lots of them around. Like I know where they are. They're in my groups and these guys in my programs. And there's so many good men out there that just struggle to get their love to land in the way that they want. And there is nothing that kills a man's spirit more than having the desire to love his partner well and failing. And so many men struggle with this as one of the major pains, one of the major grievances in their life is that they have all of this love to give and they want to receive the love, but they lack the skills or the finesse or the communication abilities or the emotional intelligence to be able to communicate that effectively. And then that's where we see a lot of conflict come into relationships, relationships breaking down, things getting really toxic and abusive. And that's a huge shame because if we just learn some basic skills around how to communicate, how to empathize, how to have, negotiate healthy boundaries, all of that stuff starts to clear up really quickly. So I think teaching men these skills is a huge part of what I'm advocating in the work that I do now.
Joshua Host (41:52.018):
Yeah, and it seems like one of the big challenges is the men treating women like men. You know that there's, there's a real lack of understanding, right? Because it's trippy as far as how things have changed. We're certainly in the century of the powerful woman and rightfully so, you know, and it's exciting as far as to see that expanded as far as these gifts of in, in the world today. But you do see then as, you know, women are taking on masculine roles. Then how men start to treat women like men. And then that creates this lack of polarity. And so, it's funny, it's like, as I talk to my gal friends, I think that's one of the things they express to me, when they're like, where are all the good men? It's more like, where's the man that's going to take care of me as a woman? Because yes, I'm out creating a company or I'm out hard charging, getting things done, making shit happen, taking on a lot of risks, fighting fires, whatever else. But certainly then at the end of the day, they're hoping that they can come home to a man. In that case, I mean, if it's a male-women relationship, certainly if it's a male-male or female-female, obviously whatever is different. But typically regardless of the connotation or the gender of the different parties, there's typically a masculine and a feminine, right? And so it's interesting in talking to so many of my gal friends, then at the end of the day, even if they've been having masculine pants on all day, they wanna be able to come home and be taken care of a bit, you know? Is that, do you see that men having this challenge of being able to provide respect and deference and support as far as for women and their roles, and then at the same time transitioning over to a different type of support once that kind of hat's been put down?
Jasper Brown (43:43.204):
I think there's a lot of struggles on both sides, to be honest. Women also have their part to play and they step into the masculine a lot because it hasn't been safe for them. So they are in this guarded mode where they have this strong shield of masculine energy that they hold up to keep themselves safe. And that has been extremely necessary for them because they've had a very difficult time in the world. You know, they've had a lot of trauma, a lot of bad experiences with men in the past. And we as men, that directly pushes us in our wounds because we often feel like we're not enough. And we wanna feel a woman's trust and to make her feel safe. And when she doesn't respond in a certain way towards us, that hits us in our wound. So we will often- the response that comes from us is one of shut down, we run away, we avoid or we fight back. And that's where we see so much conflict, both parties, both sides need to learn how to dance with this, learn how to effectively communicate, understand a little bit about the kind of energetic nature of the masculine and the feminine. So we can soften, you know, and a woman will typically soften when she feels safe. She has her work to do to let down the guards, but a man has the work to do to be able to provide safety and create the environment in which she actually feels comfortable letting down the guards and taking the armor off. So I think there's this, it's both parties are responsible. It's not like men are guilty or women need to change. It's like we all have work to do. And if we can, if we as men can come as a leader into the relationship with that view and take responsibility and clean up the mess that other men have created, this is a beautiful masculine conscious attitude. And if we develop the skills and the tool set to be able to have those kind of deep conversations and ask our lover, say my love, what is it that you need to feel safe? What can I do to make you feel more comfortable and like you can surrender and be in your feminine more? What can I do to make you feel like you can trust me or men in general? What do you need? And then listen and truly listen and really empathize and feel her and make her feel that you really understand and you really care and that you're gonna act on the feedback and not just listen to it, but actually change things and be very attentive towards that and kind of build the relationship in that direction. This is a beautiful thing to achieve.
Joshua Host (46:15.562):
Yeah, and also just beautifully said as well too. And you know, we've covered so much ground in the last 45 minutes. You know, this over the last six months, it's been such an honor, man. I consider you my friend, you know, and I think that in the time that we've had together, I've built so much appreciation for you in my life. And I'm grateful for this time that we've had together to be able to talk through some of these pieces. And it's nice because I feel like we've covered a pretty broad range of topics from everything from, you know, sexual performance and sacred sexuality and semen retention to healthy masculinity and how to support our partners. And for anybody that's on with us, you can find Jasper on Instagram, AwakendEros, Jasper Brown, and highly recommend spending some time as far as with him or any of his courses as he is most certainly living in his purpose. Thank you, brother, so much for spending time with us today. I love and appreciate you.
Jasper Brown (47:23.06):
Thank you so much for having me on. It's been a real pleasure having this conversation. I'm always delighted to share these insights and perspectives, because I think men need to hear this. And when they see this exemplified or sort of demonstrated in a certain way, there's this calling inside of us that wants to be a good man. We have that deep calling inside. We wanna love well. And when we have the skillset and tools and a bit of guidance in that direction, I've just seen time and time again that relationships improve. Conflicts heal, lovemaking improves, and gets deeper and deeper and deeper. And this is what we all want. We all want the foundations of like a beautiful, healthy, functional relationship. And if I can offer that and help other guys find that, I sleep very well and I enjoy this work so much. So thank you so much for having me, Josh.
Joshua Host (48:13.326):
Beautiful brother. All right, thank you so much. Talk to you soon.
Jasper Brown (48:16.43):
All right, brother, cheers.